Actually I have been married twice, Klara Jane, though my first marriage was very brief, and entered into because we were both unhappy and somehow thought that two unhappy people would be happy together. We lasted less than two years before separating, and as painful as it was, it was definitely right.

My second marriage lasted 16 years, and I'm still close to my wife, in part because we share a daughter, and in part because we still care for each other a lot. We tried at various points to reconcile and reunite, but we never could get past the obstacles that prevented a good marriage in the first place. There's no talk of reconnecting in that way again.

But I hear you about loving the person you are no longer with, and will not be with again. I've spent many years of my life in that position. Letting go is incredibly hard. Do you want Jon to know these things? I confess I'm never sure how much to ask about past relationships, and he may feel uneasy. Of course, if he's just not curious, that's another story (and yes, huge red flag).

Honestly, Klara Jane, I'm not really interested in perfection. I think at this point, I'm interested in growing into some better version of myself, and in doing that with someone who regards my imperfections with tenderness. Not to say that my partner doesn't encourage me to address those imperfections, just that she does so with some tenderness.