As always, Michelle, you put things just right. Yes, we need our patch. It's our garden in which to grow. And when I didn't honor that, something worse than non-growth happened: I felt like something was dying a little, or I feared that it was. And yes, you are so right, what grows in place of that is chilling, a noxious weed. In my case it was an irritation with nearly everything, but I can imagine worse things, even hate.

I've read criticisms of empathy or compassion as a moral yardstick for just the reasons you describe. In my case there was already a friendship and a past experience, so it was not quite so purely virtue-driven as taking in refugees. I prefer more relational virtues, to be honest, which seem a little clearer to me. I'm not averse to operating from a sense of duty, either, which played a role here, but I failed miserably in understanding and expressing boundaries, mine and hers.

Thank you, my friend, for reading and responding.