I connected with the confusion, Bonnie, as I'll (probably) write about soon. My beloved, about whom I've written several pieces the last two years, decided in September that she couldn't "thrive" in our relationship--after I had sold my house and we'd moved in together in May. She wasn't bitter and did not have reasons that clarified anything to me. Of course I had to honor her sense of what it means for her to thrive, but somehow that sensibility had been invisible to me for two years! Whatever I thought she needed I tried to move toward, and I would have continued to. But when she decided it was over, it was over.

I understand the need to say no to the prospect of a friendship, when friendship is more painful than full separation.

It's not all gloom, however. I've found a nice house (I'm in Asheville, NC) that's much better than the one I left. I feel excited about the prospect of creating a new, healthy space there.

All best to you in the new year, Bonnie! Safe travels, and I'll be reading.