I think I'd say that "not getting rubbed the wrong way" is not a choice, but one's response to said wrong-way-rubbing is. I suppose the larger question that I, ahem, my friend, is asking, is How much regret or irritation is natural in any life shared between two people, and when does it become an "issue"?

I suspect the saddest answer is that one can't know until one's in it, and even then, it may reach a problematic level for one but not the other.

Good talking to you. I hope all's well.