Just one anecdote in response, Yael. The woman I love turned 57 this fall and she says things that resemble what you write here. It's not so much that she feels she looks older than her age, but that she feels she looks "old," less beautiful, and that it happened too quickly.

I want to hold space for those feelings, of course; and I can see that she has aged, of course. But she is no less beautiful in any way, and I can't "see" that in her. The wrinkles, the graying hair, are just characteristics of the person I love, not much different from a tan or an eye color. I don't expect my feelings to change hers, and I don't want them to. I just want to share a different perspective with her.

I think we should all grieve the loss of what we valued in ourselves--looks, physical abilities, whatever--but I suspect that you have not lost any beauty at all, not really. For what that's worth.

All best to you.