This is such an honest and moving piece, Lori. Your conflicting emotions are palpable. Especially your respect and care for your mom.

It seems that you and she have a good relationship. I hope that you can express some of these feelings to her, and that she can hear them. Perhaps there are intermediate steps, like someone to come in to clean once a week who also tosses the junk mail, that will become acceptable sooner rather than later.

All best to you.