We did come from very different families, Thomas, and there's no question that our families of origin shaped us in ways that affected our relationship. That's a keen insight. I imagine that it is often the case that we define love as we received love. I assume it's complicated by the ways in which we didn't receive love--and no parents are perfect--so there must be a constant balancing and tension of what we give and what we want, what we have and what we lack.

But I don't think any of those differences are insuperable. I clearly brought assumptions and practices into my last relationship that were maladaptive to it. I undermined the very love I felt. But those practices were learned; they aren't genetic. If I had been as open and compassionate as I am now, my relationship would have had a chance. If I had been able to write this reflection 15 months ago, she may not have felt the need to leave.

That's my current resolution. I can't know her perfectly, and I can't always know in advance what she will want and need. But if I ask with real curiosity and listen with real attention and receive her with real vulnerability, I'll have a chance at a great love story.

Thanks for reading and responding, my friend. All best to you.